Dysfunction Hates Boundaries!

January 30, 2025 Greg McNichols

ELECTRIC FENCE

We'd been fishing long enough—the pond was dark, dead quiet, and the fish had lost all interest in what we had to offer. It was time to pack up and head back to the truck.

The hike out was steep and dark. My hands were full: a fishing pole in one and a heavy tackle box in the other. Leaning forward to keep my balance put my face at precisely the right height for what was about to happen.

Ten yards from the top, my open mouth hit the single-strand electric fence that kept the horses in. A pulse zapped me square on the tongue like a cat licking a toaster. Before I could even process it, the shock to my brain and the tension of the wire launched me backward, head over heels, back down the hill.

Bobbers, hooks, and expensive spinner bait flew everywhere. The ringing in my ears was only drowned out by my friends' laughter. Between gasps for air, they asked, "What just happened?" I groaned, "I forgot about the electric fence."

THE SHOCK OF A HEALTHY BOUNDARY

As we grow, we learn the need for boundaries. We set clear limits, refusing to accept disrespect, abuse, or toxic behavior. Or learning you don't have to reply to every text, email, or call right away. This boundary helps you stay present instead of being controlled by the constant demands of digital connection. Or maybe it's about stopping someone's lack of planning from becoming your emergency. (If that sounds personal, it is. That's my pet peeve boundary!)

People's dysfunctions will hate your boundaries. They'll hit those boundaries like I hit that electric fence. What is a safeguard for your health and growth feels like rejection to them. Their control, entitlement, or expectations get zapped, and they react.

And here's the hard truth: you can't let their reaction move you. Their emotions—whether it's guilt, anger, or manipulation—aren't yours to carry. Keep the boundary, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Turns out, what was a good boundary for the horses was shocking to me. Your healthy boundaries are there to protect what's important to you and, at the same time, help others confront their dysfunction and need for healthy boundaries.

For another leadership lesson like this, be sure to check out: “I Can't Believe He Bit Me.”